Like a mellow drink moving slowly down my throat, the nostalgia weaves through me in pleasant waves. She is the warm blanket that I draw towards me when the present doesn’t feel just as comforting. I continue to feel fuzzy as I encounter nostalgia several times in my life. A longing for times in the past, the sell-by date erased but the experiences for the keeping.
Nostalgia laced her fingers through mine, tracing me down memories known and unknown. She shows me photographs of me from childhood to adulthood, smiles frozen in dated photographs. From a life of child-like bliss and innocence to a semi-adult present life, I see where I came from. Nostalgia, she bares the floodgates open for me to look back on while acoustic music plays in the background.
She has me yearning to know my beautiful mother when she was 25 years old, with her swinging straight hair and angelic smile. She makes me wish I could go up to my dad when he was in his late 20s and tell him, “Look pa, I am your daughter from the future! Gosh, I look so much like you!”
The happiness hangs heavy yet light in the air when I see photographs from last year even- my first year married and in the US. I look at the joy clearly etched all over my face, visiting vistas I never knew I’d breach. Nostalgia makes my lips part into a grin, when I look at photographs of my husband and I. I can somehow do a time travel in my mind, a throwback to holding hands with my husband as I climbed upwards during hikes, through knee deep snow, on thin ice while skating and during any trips we made outside our cozy home.
Every time we (my husband and I) revisit a place we’ve been to, I think back to how new it all felt last year. Whenever we pass by our old apartment and locality, I feel a pang of longing for last year’s life episodes. He tells me that our life is so much better and different now, and he’s right. Yet..
I miss parts of my life from each month that has passed by, because now I can only see them frozen in time from behind a mirror.
Each day that flies by gets flash photographed into a collage I pull out of my memory box from time to time.
I gaze from the inside out yearning for the long-gone newness. Nostalgia, you’re making me wish that I could relive the same experiences with a new quality over and over.
Suddenly, nostalgia pulls her hand away and turns towards me. She whispers, “You are so prone to self-doubt. Let me show you something that will prove otherwise.” And she has me going through my own blog! I click through several blog posts I wrote and laugh a lot, wondering what I was thinking when I wrote something. Nostalgia smiles at me, “Look at what you’ve written there, why, you do have a sense of humor! And you can put fuzzy feelings into cozy words.. give yourself some credit.”
Some may say I’m living in the past and not enjoying the luxuries of the present enough. They may add that I’m seeing everything in rosy-hued light, and forgetting the more difficult pills I swallowed along the way to today. They are not wrong, but I have not forgotten both the good and the bad.
I just wish to remember the better times and learn from the bitter ones.
And for all this and more, Nostalgia, I have a lot to thank you for. You showed me times that were better, how I’ve changed as a person, how far I have come and can go. You still show me that you’re preserving my memories in a glass jar even while I live my best candid life.
Nostalgia lives in all of us, and emerges from time-to-time to tell us something:
Life is like driving a car to a destination- you check the side and rear mirrors to look at the memories flying past and learn something on the way. But ultimately, you look straight and drive along the journey you’re meant to take.
What are you nostalgic for and how do you feel about it? Let’s have a heart-to-heart in the comments section below. 🙂
Until next time, see you soon.